CALIFORNIA DREAMIN

AN EXCERPT FROM THE ONE HOUR TV PILOT

TAMALES

mission district mural

10671437_10152662405905170_5013984672572975947_n

When some rowdy kids push him to the edge, Carlos is fired from his barman job at an exclusive Union Square member's club. A washed-out working dad witnesses the exchange.

EXT. UNION SQUARE - A MINUTE LATER

Carlos walks out with his bag on his shoulder, throwing his

apron on the ground. He lights a cigarette as Adam comes

running out of the building.

ADAM

Carlos! Carlos, wait! Wait up. Hey!

Carlos stops.

ADAM (CONT'D)

What, you smoke?

Carlos spits on the ground and throws his arms to the side.

CARLOS

What do YOU care?

ADAM

Right. Quite right. I'm sorry. None

of my business.

Beat. Carlos thinks it's time Adam said why he stopped him.

ADAM (CONT'D)

That was quite some, some show you

put on in there, huh?

CARLOS

Yeah and let me guess, you just

happen to be a casting agent.

ADAM

What? No. I run a startup over by -

CARLOS

Look. You're a nice guy, Mr -

ADAM

Adam.

CARLOS

We have a nice chat when you come

into the bar. You always treated me

right. I appreciate the offer. And

it ain't that I mind your kind.

ADAM

My kind?

CARLOS

What people get up to in the

bedroom is their business. In fact,

I have a COUSIN -

ADAM

I'm not gay, Carlos.

CARLOS

Oh.

Beat.

ADAM

I want to offer you a job.

INT. CARLOS'S MISSION HOME - AN HOUR LATER

Carlos comes in through the front door, whistling as he dumps

his bag on the floor. In the living room sits RON, 53,

watching television. Carlos kisses him on the cheek.

CARLOS

How ya doin, pops?

RON

Not bad son, not -

He's interrupted by his own coughing. He grabs an inhaler and

sucks on it. Carlos grabs a pill bottle off the table.

CARLOS

They upped your dosis again?

He waits for Ron's coughing to die down.

RON

Just for the time being, son.

INT. KITCHEN - 20 MIN LATER

Carlos sings and dances to LAS KETCHUP'S ASEREJE as he grates

some ginger. Onions are caramelising in a pan. A door slams.

SOLEDAD (O.S.)

Hey pops.

Carlos listens intently.

RON (O.S.)

Hey baby.

SOLEDAD, 16, shows up in the doorway, holding an Amazon

parcel.

Heavily pregnant, she is pretty even underneath the layers of

makeups she wears, the hair spray, nail polish and perfume.

Dangly earrings, Juicy Couture tracksuit bottoms and a tight

t-shirt showing off her belly and breasts.

Carlos pretends to choke as she walks in, coughing and

turning on the fan above the cooker.

CARLOS

Carajo! Anthrax stopped working!

The bio-terrorists have moved on to

raspberry HAIR SPRAY!

Soledad play-slaps him on the head.

SOLEDAD

It's cherry, fuckface. This came

for you.

She hands him the parcel.

CARLOS

Ah, dope!

He starts ripping up the parcel as his sister takes out a bag

of spicy corn snacks and pours a fistful into her mouth.

CARLOS (CONT'D)

Ey, don't fill up on that crap. I'm

making carnitas.

SOLEDAD

I eat any more of your cooking,

I'mma turn into a carnita myself.

He pokes her in the side.

CARLOS

Too late porky.

He throws the box on the floor as he takes out a pair of

shiny golden sneakers.

CARLOS (CONT'D)

Dooooooope.

SOLEDAD

(chewing)

So what you doing home so early?

Carlos tries one of the shoes on.

CARLOS

Have you seen anything more

beautiful than this?

Soledad chews on, unimpressed. Waits for her answer.

CARLOS (CONT'D)

Anyway those corn thingies are full

of salts and sugars and shit. They

not gonna make you lose no weight.

Soledad stops chewing.

SOLEDAD

(mouth full)

Oh my God.

CARLOS

I know right. They're the limited

edition Nike Men's Air Jordan 1

Retro High -

SOLEDAD

You lost another goddamn job!

CARLOS

Woah now, carnita mía. See watcha

doin there is ASSUMING, and I think

we both know, that ASSUMING makes

and ASS out of YOU and / ME

Soledad gets up real close.

SOLEDAD

(whisper-shouting)

Listen up, you little motherfucker.

CARLOS

Hey, that's your old lady you're -

SOLEDAD

If we don't come up with that rent -

Carlos dodges out of her block with some pretty pro-looking

boxing moves.

CARLOS

Eyyyy tranquila my little pork

chop, we gonna be FINE. It's

semantics. No, semitics...

Soledad bashes him on the head with her bag of corn snacks.

SOLEDAD

(still whisper-shouting)

All dad's bringing into this house

is medical bills, we got a week to

come up with rent, and you think

it's a good idea to go buy some

hundred dollar motherfucking

footwear?

She kicks the sneaker Carlos isn't wearing.

CARLOS

Two - THREE things, bacon bap. One,

I don't see you exactly RAKIN it in-

SOLEDAD

I'm pregnant!

CARLOS

And two, I can get any goddamn job

I want. Just today, some pendejo

offered me a grand a week to look

after his kids.

SOLEDAD

A grand a WEEK?

Carlos returns to stirring the onions.

CARLOS

Plus car. Said he wanted me to

instill some "good old-fashioned

discipline" into his sons.

SOLEDAD

A car? A car! Carlito, we gonna

have a car!

CARLOS

So I tell him, I tell him, nice

try, homo, but you gotta be trippin

if you think Carlos RAMIREZ gonna

take a job wiping half-pint techie CULO.

As he speaks, we see Soledad's face going from ecstatic, to

confused, to hella pissed. Carlos doesn't.

CARLOS (CONT'D)

Oh and three! Those ain't no

hundred dollar kicks, mami. They

two hundred and eighty-FIVE.

INT. ADAM'S CONDO - TWO HOURS LATER

A doorbell rings. Adam opens the door, smiling.

ADAM

So glad you changed your mind,

Carlos.