Day 15: Santander – Mar (27,4k)

There are no blankets at the albergue, and even though I go to bed in all my warmest clothes – wool trousers, socks and a fleece jacket – I wake up every hour from shivering. In the end I crawl out of my silk liner to put all of it on top of me, bed bugs be damned. In the morning I wake up aching from the tension of freezing all night. My period starts in earnest and the cramps come in waves of pain, nausea and cold sweats. Not a good start.

It’s crazy to think that in just a few hours it will be as warm as yesterday, when I had to stop and swim in the sea to get a break from the heat.

I let my friends go to walk alone. Backpack today is heavy with real shit. Already before breakfast I’ve been anxious, happy, afraid, relieved. What is this mood swing life? Or is this normal? Is the problem that I pay attention to all the feelings? Should I take the advice on the t-shirt of the chef at ayahuasca camp that said, “Don’t believe all you think?”

To confront or to move on. That is always the question. Skip confronting what needs confronting and it will catch you later. But get too bogged down and you might never move on at all.

I sit down in a cafe to ponder this. And, as happens on the Camino, the next ten minutes change everything. Long story short but I am now in a German camping gang and have bought €65 worth of outdoor sleeping gear so I won’t be so dependent on albergues. I like this idea very much in theory. Outdoor premiere is tonight. Yes, the night my bleed is the heaviest, something I’ve been worried about managing ever since I first thought of going on the Cam. Remains to be seen how much I love my new rough sleeping self in the morning.

Guess I better save some phone battery. Laters, lovers.

#albergues #soulsearching #camping #bleed #Germans #CaminodelNorte #ayahuasca #travel #anxiety #Cantabria #hiking #CaminodeSantiago