UNABUSABLE: EXCERPT

PART OF THE #METOO SLAMINUTES AT METROPOLIS GENTLEMAN'S CLUB ON 18.12.17

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When the hashtag came out, I simply rolled my eyes -

it was not news to me that power spreads thighs.

Would I join? Would I fuck. I took on my own stance.

I was not gonna say I was weak, not a chance.

Cause the thing is, we all know harassment can't be stopped.

Whereas attitudes are flexible, and easy to adopt!

So in light of such odds, where we know we can't win,

what we learn to do instead, is to take it on the chin.

There's a girl - you should see her - she does this like a pro.

Cause she knows: it's not rape, if you never said no!

This girl has figured out that some men are unaccusable,

so she's no longer bothered, and now she's unabusable.

She's hacked it, she's fashioned a defense mechanism

so perfectly designed she no longer sees a schism

between what she believes and those very handy lies,

and if she starts remembering, she simply rolls her eyes...

SOMETIMES NO MEANS YES: EXCERPT

EXCERPT FROM THE SHORT PLAY

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TOM (to Luke, getting upset)

And you, and you, you, you were into this thing? You liked it when she, when she, like -

LUKE

I liked her liking it.

Beat.

LUKE (cont'd)

And yeah, I guess... but, you know, I knew it was all acting. I knew it. So after a while it

just, it sorta became the new norm. I need to get that water.

CHRIS

I’ll get it.

Chris leaves and a tap goes off in the next room.

TOM

That’s sick. You’re both sick.

Tom, still on the floor, leans against the sofa with his head in his hands. Chris returns with the water.

LUKE

Thank you.

He drinks.

LUKE (cont'd)

And so it... There's this thing called hedonic adaptation, right.

CHRIS

Yeah but that's about –

LUKE It's about how humans get used to everything. EVERYTHING. You dream all your life about buying a yacht, you work your arse off, buy the yacht, you're over the fucking moon, three months pass, what do you want? A bigger fucking yacht. It's in our DNA. To keep, to keep pushing.

TOM

So Karen was your... yacht?

Beat.

CHRIS

The rape fantasy was his yacht.

They look at Tom. Tom doesn’t get it.

CHRIS (cont'd)

He kept going.

LUKE

She always wanted me to keep going.

CHRIS

When you were in a relationship.

LUKE

People have... people have relapses all the time.

CHRIS

You wanted a bigger yacht.

LUKE

FUCK.

Beat.

LUKE (cont'd)

But it's... it's like, it's like, that wasn't even me. That person. You know?

CHRIS Not an acceptable excuse, sorry, you're not a schizophrenic.

LUKE

Well, I'm a.... fuckophrenic!

Beat.

LUKE (cont'd)

You have all these things you say you'll never do. Right? But then, you're there, she's all superior and... fuck, she was half out the door. Holding her goddamn rose box. The one she got in Marrakech. She dragged it home on the... and there was this part of me. I mean it was me. It was me. And I thought, I felt. It was like an itch. A bite. You know you say you’re not gonna scratch, and...? And then you think. Fuck it. I deserve this. And I’m going to take it.

Beat.

LUKE (cont'd)

The book said it’s easier to apologise than ask for permission.

CHRIS

Forget the book.

THE MOST SPIRITUAL: EXCERPT

AN EXCERPT FROM THE HALF HOUR TV PILOT

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hello

"THE MOST SPIRITUAL: PILOT"

TEASER

EXT. HOLY AF SPIRITUAL RESORT & SPA, THE AMAZON - DAY

BODHI, 25, frowns at the camera. He's a white man in elephant

patterned harem trousers, Dashiki top, Peyote necklace, and a

Native American headdress.

BODHI

(infomercial style)

Are you tired of constantly having

to prove your spiritual

superiority?

He's joined by SINHAYANA, 25, a white woman in a kaftan with

a bindi, henna-tattooed arms and a dead budgie necklace.

SINHAYANA

Done with quoting Deepak to people

who haven't even read Dalai?

BODHI

Hedonically adapted to disguising

your put-downs as compliments?

SINHAYANA

Ruined so many dinner parties with

your refusal to eat gluten -

BODHI

Sugar -

SINHAYANA

Dairy -

BODHI

Anything starting with a K -

SINHAYANA

Grown outside your postcode -

BODHI

Derived from an animal -

SINHAYANA

Or anything that has a spirit -

BODHI

Which, if you're pantheist, means -

BODHI & SINHAYANA

Literally everything -

SINHAYANA

That you're simply not invited

anymore?

BODHI

(pained)

We know making others feel inferior

can be hard work.

SINHAYANA

But we also know your inner child

needs instant gratification. Now.

BODHI

(cheerful)

Which is why we displaced a

local community to bring you HOLY

AS FUCK SPIRITUAL RESORT & SPA!

They start walking around the lavish, mock pre-columbian

resort. Aztec statues serve as fountains, hi-tech tipis come

with aircon, and Shipibo-tiled infinity pools overlook virgin

beaches. With just the one banana boat.

SINHAYANA

Tucked away in a gated development

far above the poverty...

BODHI

(disgusted)

Violence -

SINHAYANA

(even more disgusted)

Disease -

BODHI

(more yet)

Crime -

SINHAYANA

(nearly puking)

And general yuck of the people

sad enough to actually live in this Instagram hotspot,

it's the perfect place to settle...

BODHI

Once and for all...

SINHAYANA

Who...

Bodhi bangs out some beats on a portable bongo drum.

BODHI & SINHAYANA

Is the MOST spiritual?

TITLE CARD: THE MOST SPIRITUAL